Painting by Daria Butriashkina

I titled this painting “Baubo,” like the name of the ancient Greek goddess who was also called the goddess of obscenity. Very little is known about her — her cult was destroyed. Not surprisingly. For me, Baubo embodies free female sexuality and laughter without shame. Laughter that doesn’t question, how it sounds or whether it is appropriate for a woman. It is said that she saved Demeter from despair while she was searching for her daughter. She made her laugh and spring returned. Laugh as an impulse to keep living. I learned about Baubo from Clarissa Pinkola Estés’ book Women Who Run With the Wolves. After reading it, I began writing my thoughts about this goddess and about myself. That’s how this painting was made. Since my youth, I have criticism about my laughter, that it wasn’t “feminine.” And about my sexuality, that it was too much. These two things seemed to irritate people around me the most. I don’t know whether Baubo ever truly existed. But I do know that what she represents has been erased: through conquests, religion, patriarchy, family, and close circles. Who benefits from a woman who is free in her self-expression, who knows what she wants and does not stay silent about it? Obviously, only she does. For a long time, I was encouraged to be “obedient.” Quiet. Convenient. But now I would rather be a stray dog without a leash, messy and happy, laughing so hard my tongue hangs out. Now I can laugh the way I want. Feel the way I want. I am free because I allowed myself to be free. Baubo lives in me. And I think Baubo lives in every woman. And now she laughs loudly every time someone tries to put a leash on me.